Chapter 20

I stayed in the bar after Carl left and got drunk. I sat there till about one, getting drunk as a bastard. I pretended to be in the movies with a bullet in my guts again. I stumbled over to a phone booth. I thought I would give Jane a buzz, but by the time I got there I didn’t feel like ringing her. So what I did was, I gave old Sally Hayes a buzz. I was too drunk to have a good conversation though. After a bit we both hung up and I stayed in the booth for a while, I wasn’t feeling too good.

I thought I’d walk to the duck pond in Central Park to see what the hell the ducks were up to. I got to the park and dropped Phoebe’s record, it broke into about 50 pieces. I damn near cried, it made me feel so terrible. I picked up the pieces and put them in my pocket. They weren’t any use but I didn’t want to just leave them.

When I finally found the lagoon there were no ducks in sight. I was shivering like hell and I had little chunks of ice on the back of my head. I thought I might get pneumonia and die. I started to imagine the mob that would come to my funeral if I did die. It’d be just like Allies funeral with all the phoney aunts and uncles. I wasn’t at Allies funeral though; I was still at the hospital because of my hand. If I died, Allie wouldn’t be at my funeral either. I used to go and put flowers down for Allie with my parents. It wasn’t too bad when the weather was nice but when it rained everyone would rush to their cars and put on the heater to got somewhere nice for dinner. Allie would still be there in the rain though.

I wanted to speak to Phoebe, so I decided to go home. My parents would be asleep so I could sneak in and out without them knowing. I walked all the way home. It wasn’t too far and I wasn’t that tired or even drunk anymore. It was just very cold and nobody around anywhere.